Why we must stop patronising older people

What does it mean to patronise someone?

Patronising someone means acting like they’re not as sharp, capable, or independent as they really are, even when there’s no reason to.

It shows up in ways like:

• Speaking slowly or loudly for no reason
• Using words like “sweetie,” “dear,” or “young lady”
• Assuming someone can’t use a phone or a self-checkout
• Talking to their adult child instead of directly to them
• Most of the time, people don’t mean to be rude. But it still sends the message: “I don’t think you’re capable.”

These behaviours might seem harmless, but they are subtle expressions of disrespect.

Why is being patronising a bigger deal than it seems?

This kind of behaviour chips away at someone’s confidence. Over time, it can make people:

• Doubt themselves
• Pull back from conversations or activities
• Feel invisible or dismissed

And honestly? It’s just not fair. Growing older doesn’t mean losing your brain, your independence, or your right to be treated like an equal.

4. Involve them in the conversation: Don’t talk about someone when they’re right there. Talk to them. It shows interest, respect and trust.

5. Listen more, interrupt less: Sometimes, slowing down our response is better than speeding up our speech. Give space for thoughts, stories, or questions, everyone’s worth hearing.

Final thoughts

Nobody likes to be talked down to, especially not just because they’ve hit a certain age. Whether you’re talking to your grandma, a neighbour, or a stranger on the bus, just remember, older people have lived full lives, learned aeven more, and deserve to be treated with the same respect you’d want.